According to Bloomberg research, Avocado prices are now the preferred trading instrument of millennial day traders.

If it’s on the internet then it must be true.

This is no exception to my ‘safe internet’ rule – if it’s on the net then it must be true.

It’s been shown that millennials who swap from eating Avocado to trading Avocado futures contracts on the ASX are clearly the better breed of person.

“Millenials are a disgrace on cafes, honestly,” AQU Professor, Bill Spunk, said during his 99th birthday speech.

“Our study clearly shows that millennials who eat smashed avocado every Saturday have out-of-control budgets.”

“If they’re on Centrelink their financial situation would be way worse, I would have thought,” Spunk, a eunuch, said via his ex-wife’s tin can telephone.

More to come.


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Please note: In case you hadn’t noticed, the Dropbear column is Rask Media’s satirical publication (that means it’s funny stuff, not true and you shouldn’t take it seriously). Sometimes, humour is the only way to reach the gumnuts. Email dropbear@raskmedia.com.au to submit a breaking news story.