“You’d Be Crazy Not To Pump & Dump”, Says ASX Day Trader’s Wife

Companies and indices mentioned:

Down Under gynecologist-cum-ASX day trader, Jaime Nimblebottom, 44, has nearly 100,000 followers on Twitter, Facebook, Instagram and Tinder combined and says being social is the secret to wealth.

Illegally Awesome

Though fully aware that the promotion of shares (that he owns) is most likely illegal, unethical and plainly immoral (it’s what the kids call a “pump and dump”), Nimblebottom claimed to be “fully transparent, bro” in a recent tell-all interview with Rask Media’s Dropbear column.

“I know pump and dump is illegal dude because when I did my two-week share Master Trader certification there was a multi-choice question on it,” he explains.

Despite that, Nimblebottom says there’s nothing wrong with being social and sharing his “secrets” with his thousands of investor fans online.

“Of course I’m willing to share my tiny share ideas on social media. How else will these innocent mum and dad investors ever hear about the ASX shares that are totally risky?”

“My fans want to know what I’m buying or selling — after I trade my shares, of course — and I just want to be transparent about that.”

Keeping It In The Family

After the revealing Dropbear interview, and thanks to the wonderful transparency provided by Huawei smartphones on a Maccas wifi connection, Nimblebottom’s wife was overhead on a Facebook Messenger call.

“What did the Rask Bear want to know?” Nimblebottom’s BMW bluetooth speaker blasted across the carpark (honestly, it could be heard from more than 100m away).

“Bloody oath the Bear would want to know that — you’d be crazy not to pump and dump these days!”

More To Come. 

Dropbear on Twitter: @dropbearRASK

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Please note: In case you hadn’t noticed, the Dropbear column is Rask Media’s satirical publication (that means it’s funny stuff, not true and you shouldn’t take it seriously). Sometimes, humour is the only way to reach the gumnuts. Email [email protected] to submit a breaking news story.

Dropbear Genuis

Dropbear Genuis

I'm Rask Dropbear, the editor-in-chief of #fakenews. I write 'funny finance stuff', 'things that shouldn't be trusted' and #fakenews. Jump into the garden and grab yourself a handful of eucalyptus.