As the Australian rental crisis deepens, the Australian Government’s Minister for Failed Economic Policy Messages, Dr Pep-Se Koala, 77, delivered the Government’s latest “innovative” housing affordability package in Canberra.
“Following rigorous consultation with the property industry, including my fellow members of parliament who are property investors and have PhDs working for them, we’re delivering more affordable housing than ever before,” said Koala.
According to documents seen by Rask’s Dropbear column, the Government plans to increase the tax on any individual who owns one investment property but will allow massive foreign corporates and “consortiums” to build as many as “one million good properties, with flushing toilets.”
Construction quality is rumoured to not be an issue right now, as the properties haven’t been built.
Not about poor people
Despite almost every piece of evidence and case studies from overseas suggesting these ‘build-to-rent’ schemes only cater to rich renters who can afford ridiculously high long-term rental contracts offered by the developers, Koala says he isn’t fazed because he’s rich and 1 million is a “big number”.
“Voters don’t understand basic economics, or even math,” he said, from his 500,000-acre ranch in Coolabah (not a beach house, held via Caymen trust).
“I mean, yes, we’ve only managed to get 10 million houses in circulation since we colonised this joint. But if we make the public think we’re doing something big, we’ll cruise through the next election.”
According to Rask’s Quickmaths Division, it’s possible that build-to-rent properties could charge 10-30% more in rents per year than a standard rental. It’s all about affordability.
But it’s easy to see why rents could be high.
Developers, who are going out of business faster than Joycey could flog his Qantas shares, are worried about the risks. Remember, in any standard large-scale build, the deliver is responsible for supplying materials, constructing, paying off the bikie gangs and unions, commissioning properties to council standards, and now leasing projects to renters who own 15 dogs.
“Inequality is bad”, says trust fund portfolio manager.
In unrelated news, Paul White, 48, a successful portfolio manager who graduated from Melbourne’s elite Xavier College and studied on scholarship at Melbourne University, before “fighting” for the 2IC management job at his dad’s top-tier law firm, told this column that “inequality is bad”.
“It used to be the case that my family’s grandparents could die (unfortunately, of course) and leave me their $50 million property portfolio tax-free…”
“Actually, I just realised. They can still do this. Never mind.”
“But what’s really grinding my gears now is my portfolio will probably only grow to $350 million by the time my family start fighting over my financial corpse. Whereas these overseas consortiums, probably backed by the US or Chinese, will own billions of dollars of rental properties by 2030 and run the tenants into the ground.”
“Who’s looking out for the little guy?”
