Bitcoin Price Falls 75%, Owners Call On Regulators

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Not even a Games Of Thrones style ‘Red Wedding’ can compare to the recent falls in the Bitcoin price.

Prices of this ‘life-changing’ cryptocurrency seem to have gone the way of the Dodo ever since big investors could bet against the fledging ‘currency’ via the Chicago board of exchange.

According to sources close to Rask Media’s Dropbear column, some armchair experts — who actually ‘know nuttin’ about cryptos — have gone cold.

Walking around white in the face, promises that blockchain (whatever that is) could solve world hunger and restore peace to the galaxies seem but a faded memory for people still ‘hodling’ cryptos.

Indeed, Dropbear has reason to believe that winter has well and truly come for Bitcoin fanatics. However, not everyone is convinced Bitcoin is as good as burnt toast.

Speaking anonymously to Rask Media’s dropbear column, Gareth Lannister, a carpenter and part-time crypto speculator who used four credit cards to set up his “secure” digital wallet, says he read on a blog somewhere that Bitcoin could ‘snapback’ back to $1 million by 2024.

“I dunno, you know? I mean I’m sure it’s hard for everyone who’s lost money,” Gareth said via an encrypted WhatsApp voice message.

“But if you look closely at the 200-day moving average, we’re pretty close to the bottom. I mean, I don’t know how that stuff works but I’m in it for the long-term.”

Others have voiced their concerns publicly.

Glenn Ether is one of Facebook’s most trusted users. He says he is ‘part of 0.01%’ movement. That is, the users who have actually read the social media giant’s privacy policy.

In December 2017, Glenn was instructed by his parents to use his $14,500 first home deposit to buy Bitcoin.

“It sounds funny now to say this, but I originally made a mistake and bought Bitcoin Cash instead of BTC!” he confesses lightly. “I wanted to make a quick buck and the fact that the ATO couldn’t see what I was doing was a bonus.”

“But after the recent fall, I don’t know how the Government could allow fair dinkum Aussies to lose their money like this. I’ve written to the ATO to start regulating Bitcoin.”

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Dropbear Genuis

Dropbear Genuis

I'm Rask Dropbear, the editor-in-chief of #fakenews. I write 'funny finance stuff', 'things that shouldn't be trusted' and #fakenews. Jump into the garden and grab yourself a handful of eucalyptus.