Recent sharemarket jitters could be set to continue weighing on the S&P/ASX 200 (INDEXASX: XJO) (^AXJO), with more jitters expected in 2019.

Speaking elusively to Rask Media’s Dropbear column, John Wick, the most famous market forecaster from the peanut gallery that is Alice Springs, said a shift in sentiment could be a Point Break.

“Yeah, nah, so according to my Jittery Macroeconomic Model©, mate, the one I developed for a first-year uni course (online), you know, jitters could be set to return. Call me Constantine, but with house prices expected to fall 86.3342% if that happens we’ll practically be living in Siberia.”

When asked to play the Devil’s Advocate and predict the future using his model, Mr Wick was very light on detail but had a strong opinion nonetheless.

“My priority model is pointing directly to ASX 5000 in 2019,” Wick goes on. “But Replicas of my model have made a few mistakes and people have lost a lot of money. So only my proprietary model tells The Whole Truth.”

A Chequered Past

In Sweet November, Mr Wick was Exposed by two of his clients, Bill & Ted, for playing Hardball with their money, including funds from their Lake House, which Wick sold without their approval to fund his Destination Wedding.

More to come.


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Please note: In case you hadn’t noticed, the Dropbear column is Rask Media’s satirical publication (that means it’s funny stuff, not true and you shouldn’t take it seriously). Sometimes, humour is the only way to reach gumnuts. Email dropbear@raskmedia.com.au to submit a breaking news story.